he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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