omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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