id be glad to
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
