oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
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I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
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Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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