we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
