I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
