Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
