he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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