Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
