Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize