You're completely useless in the revolution.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
