he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
