Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
