i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Can you bring me the toilet please
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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