i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
