please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
my sisters under your porch take her home
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
