Having a random hookup so left but love u
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
do herpes really smell.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
