I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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