he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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