So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
