Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
