This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
