Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize