I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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