remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
