still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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