i already hear my dad disowning me
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
