I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
