Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
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