remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
