Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
