they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
People in love make me want to vomit
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
