Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
