i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
