That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
