There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
