Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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