is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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