my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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