i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
