We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
