A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
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Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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