Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
