Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
