brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
