Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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