there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
