I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
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