the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
