It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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