We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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