One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
