I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
