you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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