my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
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Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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