i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
