I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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